The Pox

So as an adolescent I very rarely had any kind of pimple or acne. Now at the ripe-old-age of nearly 28 I have out breaks like a teenager, and it is really getting ridiculous. These are not your run of the mill, tiny pimples that show up and quickly go away either. These are giant pimples that appear on my face overnight to single-handedly ruin my life, and while they are probably not as intrusive and noticeable to other people as I feel they are. I am pretty sure that they are decorated like a parade float and princess waving to everyone that I see.

And for some reason, there seems to be no way to cure these disgusting, intrusive blemishes. I pop and pinch and poke and prod them. In response they laugh and grow a tiny sibling for themselves to taunt me further. I have washed my face with everything but lye and ammonia and still they linger. I scrub and scour to no end but instead of going away the skin over Mt. Vesuvius just gets bright and shinny, which gives it about as much appeal as a fat stripper covered in body glitter.
There seems to be little help for this problem. I have heard it all about eating better, cutting out caffeine, getting more sunlight, washing your face more often, blah, blah, blah! Let me tell you right now: I like eating junk food, I drink caffeine because nothing else helps a hangover, and if I washed my face more often my eyebrows would be scrubbed off. Likewise, all of the home remedies don't seem to work. I have tried to put toothpaste on it, no dice. I have tried to put honey on it with a Band-aide, it makes me crave cornbread. This crap doesn't work. All of the over the counter stuff seems to dry out my skin like the Sahara. And whoever told me that I should try a seaweed rub needs to have their head checked. I freakout when my leg gets wrapped in seaweed when I am swimming I will be damned if I am going to put it on my face.
Onward I trudge trying this potion and that until I as exhausted, my skin is shiny, and the planet on my chin is creating its own orbit. Finally, after days of trying and not succeeding the swelling will subside, and by morning there will be little proof that the God-awful pox that I had suffered had ever existed. Of course, this happens when I no longer have anywhere that I have to go, and lets face it the cat could care less weather or not I have a giant zit on my face. But as soon as the weekend is over, and I have to show my face in the world....its baaaaaaaaack.