Let's Talk About Dial-Up

I am sure that you have all heard stories about the awful inadiquate thing that is Dial-up Internet. Yes, this is really a thing, and contrary to popular belief it does, in fact, still exist. It is only found at the end of the world where (according to my nearly 90-year-old great uncle) the chicken's associate with the hoot owls. Some of you may even be thinking, "Dial-up Internet? What the hell is that?"
In short, it is terrible, Dial-up was the Internet connection that was used well before even DSL existed. It is connected directly to a telephone line via a modem, and it moves at the speed of snail. The things that take a nanosecond to load with modern day high-speed take lifetimes with Dial-up. Forget watching videos of your friends child who amazingly managed to stick their fist in their mouth while singing Twinkle-Twinkle Little Star or downloading that music that your friends swear you have to hear, you will be too old  and blind and deaf to enjoy it by the time that it loads.
Of course Dial-up is relatively cheap (or in my case free), and that is a good thing because no one in their right mind would ever pay for something that makes you want to pull your hair out, throw your computer, and give up on the idea of communicating with the outside world all together. So if ever you are wondering why I have not posted or why the post is so late in the day, you will know that it is because the Horrible Dial-up Monster has sent me running into the hills naked and ranting about its evils. It is quite possible by the time the posting is up that I have been put in jail for public indecency, using profanity in public, spitting on the street (because I will have been foaming at the mouth), assault with deadly weapon (when you are swinging a keyboard above you head like a mace it is likely to be dangerous), and fleeing the scene (when you are naked in and in a state of crazy you are going to keep on-a-going). At that time, there will be a PayPal account set up in my name, the link will be on the left side of the page, please donate to my bail and lawyer fees. Thank you.