Bathroom Etiquette for Strangers

There are days when the strangest things happen and you can't help but think that there is no way that anyone is going to believe this. Well today was one of those days. After a long and trying day helping my cousin with her daycare and making a princess costume that I was convinced for the better part of the afternoon that was going to drive me over the edge, resulting in my admission into the nearest psych ward, there was an unexpected knock at the front door.
Now this happens on occasion. There are some days that a missionary or the postal carrier or a stray cat decide to knock on your door for one reason or another. Now, I don't need another pamphlet to tell me that Jesus saves, but I do accept gifts all year around so you just never know what might be waiting behind door number one. Today, however, I don't think that I could have anticipated what was knocking on the door.
Standing on the doorstep with a friendly but anxious smile was a woman that I (or anyone else in the house) had never seen a day in my life. She had a kind of desperation in her eyes that suggested that there was something emergent on her mind and a wiggle in her hips that suggested she didn't have the kind of bladder needed to win a Big Gulp drinking contest. Now for reasons unknown to me this this unfortunate soul (who was only unfortunate because of present circumstance not because she was "down and out") was clutching her debit card in her hand. I asked if I could help her, and in a strained uncomfortable voice she flapped her hands and said: "I don't ususally do this. I swear I never do...but I need to use your bathroom I am not going to make it to the corner." Now the corner is a local drugstore. I can't say that I find myself at a loss for words often, and though my brain was screaming "this woman has lost her mind," I looked at my cousin for support and the ability to say no.
I say that my emmediate response was to wonder about the woman's sanity, but the truth is a few things went through my mind as I stared into her uncomfortable face.
            1. This is why I live in the country.
            2. Where are the hidden cameras?
            3. Is she serious?
            4. What is it going do to my Karma if I say no?
            And lastly:
            5. Why did she pick this house? What is it about the house that
             says "come on in and use our crapper"?
I am still not really sure if either of us agreed to let her use the bathroom, she may have just taken our dumbfounded faces to mean that she was welcome, or she may have just been so overcome by the need to empty her bladder that she rushed through the door and stopped. Her eyes darted from side to side assessing the house in hopes of quickly discovering the porcelain god that would be her salvation. "Its in there," my cousin said with a furrowed brow and an uncertain voice. "Oh great!" the woman said, "I swear I'm not looking at your house." Really? The part of me that is my mother and takes pride in house keeping even though it is not my number one priority, thought: "What the hell is that supposed to mean? You take care of 5 kids all day while making a rather complicated costume that requires the sewing machine, re-purposed fabric, a paper mache' unicorn horn, and a few discarded ideas and see how your house looks."
Of course while she took her record speed my cousin and I exchanged the is-this-really-happening-look and counted her children to make sure that they were all accounted for. She emerged from the bathroom relieved and happy. I think there was a brief moment in her euphoria that she had forgotten her imposition. When her wits came back to her she rushed for the door thanking us profusely and declaring how uncommon it was for her to do this but that her desperation had simply overwhelmed her.
There was a moment after she left that we said nothing to one and other. Perhaps we were too taken aback by what had occurred or maybe we weren't really sure what had happened. Was this all some crazy dream that subconsciously makes you aware of the type of person you are? Whatever the case, upon the woman leaving and our having a rather lengthy conversation about how strange it was to be asked to use the bathroom by a stranger in the middle of the afternoon, we promptly checked the medicine cabinet and accounted for the bath salts before proceeding to clean all of the areas she may have come in contact with. This unexpected "visitor" was nothing but polite and gracious. She did nothing obscene or uncalled for, and there was no real mess to clean (it was simply our germ-a-phobic patriotic nature that convinced us to clean everything in hopes of diverting her terrorist scheme to release germ warfare). We are not worse for wear and we didn't go out of our way to do a good deed, but I think that we will be talking about this one and rehashing the events of our mistery bathroom user for years to come. Kind of like me still telling the opossum in the outhouse story every chance I get for the last 4 years.*

                                        
                                         Prairie Doggin' - Rat Race


*Don't worry someday I will tell you the opossum in the outhouse story.