Down With Pink Camo

Can I just say that I am a girl, and I hate pink? Good. I hate pink. I probably have 5 articles of pink clothing (at most), and I am sure that 3 of those things were bought for me. I do not understand why everything has to be pink. I am on pink overload. I find it hard to believe that anyone really wants an entire wardrobe of pink unless they are under the age of 10. Get over yourself. You can be feminine in anything; it does not have to be pink. And just what the fuck are you hunting in pink cameo? The Pink Panther?As a girl that owns real cameo and doesn't just wear Mossy Oak sweat shirts as a fashion statement, it really almost offends me to see these perfectly quaffed hair having, acrylic nail doing, high-heel wearing prissy-pants girls donning pink camo because it is "so cute!"*

By the way, yes camo is country; if you live in the country and hunt. If you live in downtown Detroit  or BF-Subrubia and wear pink camo because you have decided that the one summer you spent Up North with your grandma makes you country get a reality check. That is like saying that since I say "ya'll" and have been to Tennessee 4 or so times that I am a giraffe. See? That makes no sense. Just be who you are without changing your persona to be the person you think other people find interesting or desirable. If you are wearing pink camo the only thing you are hiding is the truth.

I don't know if women these days realize this, but camouflage clothing, decal work, and the like is designed to make one less noticeable in the woods or on the battlefield. It isn't made so you can feel more connected to your hunting/foraging/soldiering husband by having His and Hers/Natural and Pink Cameo guns, knives, boots, and sweatshirts. If the only thing that you hunt for is a sale or the remote control you do not need to wear any type of camo. Here is a news-flash for you: Your Man Wears Camo to Go Hunting and Get Away From You Not So Your Wardrobes Will Match. Likewise, if the only reason you "had to have" that pink Duck Hunter design camo 22-caliber long arm is because it was pink, you do not need or deserve a fire. Poser. Firearms are weapons and tools; they are not accessories!
It would hard for me to continue this dialog without mentioning the phenomenon of camouflage wedding wear. We will do this as the Top 5 Questions That People Need to Consider Before a Camo Wedding:
1) Camo is for hiding. I thought that you and your spouse wanted to express your love for each other to the rest of the world, what are you hiding from?
2) Were you planning to go on an elk hunt before the reception? No? Well then get classy, not grassy!
3) How are your guests going to give you envelopes and presents if they can't find you? I guess you'll be buying your own gravy boat.
4) If you are the kind of person that freaks out over bugs and grass stains, then you were not meant to ever wear camouflage under any circumstance. Why are you lying to youself?
5) Why do you think that you can pretty up camo? It is meant to be worn in the woods, with out a shower, while stalking your prey or in the battlefield so you don't get your ass shot off, not with a full face of make-up and a veil. It isn't meant to be pretty.
A note to guys: Don't be fooled! These pink camo wearing idiots are probably not what you are looking for in a woman if you are trying to get someone to share your outdoor interests and love of killing fluffy-faced creatures. She will be too busy checking to see if she has a wi-fi connection on her phone to order shoes to actually spot a deer. Not to mention that her manicure might get mangled if you were actually able to convince her to pull the trigger. Pink camo is a fashion statement to these girls not a way of life. I'm just saying these girls that wear pink camo because they think it is cute are probably the same women that think that Incognito** is the villain from X-Men. Beware! Though it possible that you will come across a number of hard-core kill 'em and gut 'em kind of girls (especially in Wolverine Country) that just want to scrape the mud off their boots and cutesy it up with some pink camo before they go to the bar, you will probably never be able to find them. Let's face it in a sea of pink camo, being worn by total fakers, the real women who can hit the bulls-eye and clean their kill will be perfectly disguised.


*Say that with a Valley Girl accent, and you will get an idea of how much that bothers me.
** That is funny because Magneto is the villain in X-Men. Just for clarity.