You Got Dressed in the Dark, Didn't You?

While dragging my feet (and my ass) to my first class of the day, I passed a young woman that is sporting skinny jeans, a button down shirt, a nice pair of kicks, LIME green hair, and a bow tie to match the hair. I know that she is making a statement about who she is (that she is the eater of rainbow colored candy is my guess), and I support her individuality....but I couldn't help but think: "Isn't it a little early to be breaking out the Leprechaun costume for next year?" I find that this happens to me often. I can't help but wonder why a 250-pound woman would want the words "juicy," or "sexy" or anything else written on her ass. I find that the only thing that I am really digging about going to college for my Bachelors degree at the age of 28 is that it offers me a lot of opportunity to people watch and bask in various degrees of what-the-fuck?
Likewise, who was the genius that originally designed the "jegging"? This has got to be the stupidest piece of clothing designed for the chronically indecisive that I have ever seen. "I totally can't decide between jeans and leggings...I totally, like, wish there were something that would, like, be both..." Said no one ever!!! Now if it were not bad enough that there is this bastardized high-breed pair of pants strolling around campus they have begun to make this gem in animal print....wait there is more. In an attempt to make them look (I am guessing) "punk rock" (a time in rock history that NONE of these kids are old enough to remember or understand)*, they have now turned these animal print wonders into neon colors that have been frayed and turned holey as a fashion statement. These are not pants for everyone. What is the statement by the way? "Hi, I'm a poser." These are pants that are made for woman with that "ideal" runway style figure. They DO NOT work if you are 5' 2' or too thin or too fat or too fond of your self-respect.
Remember when you used to buy jeans because you had WORKED too many holes in your old pairs, and they were too stained because you had changed your own oil, raked your own leaves, and painted your own walls to be worn in public. Well these kids don't. Final thought on these pre-dirtied, worn in jeans. Knock it off. I can buy 6 pairs of gently used jeans at a second hand store for the $30 you spent on reproduced ridiculousness and break them in myself. You want your jeans to look worn. Get in the dirt, do some work, carry some gear, and get a clue.
Now for a note on pajamas, work outwear, and sweatpants that are being worn in public: KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF!! It is not going to kill you to put on yesterday's jeans and give your favorite sweatshirt a sniff just like everyone else! Sweatpants were made for...okay, I don't know what they were made for but they should be worn in doors for channel surfing and housecleaning. Pajamas are nightwear. For sleeping in. The end. Work out wear....is for working out. In a gym. Or at home. It is not meant to be your everyday attire. I can not imagine that any man is ever really turned on by a woman in lounge or gym wear unless he is in a gym or old enough to be sporting his own pjs in the nursing home. I am not saying that we need to go back to corsets and bustles, but come on. In the last three or four generations we have turned the radical idea of wearing jeans into a social norm. Carry on the tradition.
Before we end this session, I feel that I must say something about the lack of clothing on women** in the summer since it has hit 60-degrees in Michigan and people have already lost their damn minds in regards to their wardrobe. I don't know who thought it would be a good idea to manufacture what we old folks used to call "Daisy Dukes"*** that are so short that the pockets stick out about 2 or 3 inches below the leg, but gross. Also, DO NOT wear these ridiculous shorts with a spaghetti strap tank top to a campfire after dark and then whine that you are cold. I am not giving you a long-sleeve shirt or a jacket or an ounce of sympathy. If you are old enough to think you look sexy you are old enough to grab a damn coat! Finally...if you HAVE to wear a bra because your chest is too large not to do not wear a halter top. This statement can be perceived in one of two ways: "Hmm...bra straps look weird with a halter-top" or "Dear God! Get that woman a shirt!" There is no in-between no matter what your self confidence tells you.

*Granted I know that I am not old enough to remember the original punk movement of the 1970's either, but at least I know who the Ramones and the Sex Pistols are.  
**It occurs to me that I have focused primarily on women's fashion in this blog...that simply means that at some point I will even that out by writing a similar blog about men. Look forward to my thoughts on basketball shorts and trucker hats...no I don't mean as two separate outfits.... 
***For all of you young whipper-snappers out there: This is Daisy Duke. -->
She is from a TV show called the Dukes of Hazard. She wore short cut-off denim shorts. The difference between your stupid shorts and hers: She wore them well and with class.