Oh, Valentine's Day...Don't Be a Sucker...

Okay, I know that this is coming a couple of days early, but I wanted to give you time to return all of that red and pink, heart-shaped, Hallmark stamped, over-priced, chocolate covered bullshit that you just bought for your significant other to honor them and "show your love" on Valentine's Day. We are going to start with a little history lesson, because it seems that this is a holiday of wonderfulness...not so much.
St. Valentine was a Roman priest that aided in the persecution of Claudius I and provided marriages for Christians* that were not allowed to be legally married under Claudius's reign. The ban was put on marriage as a necessity to gain more soldiers after having a hard time rallying troops that didn't want to leave their wives and children. Claudius declared marriage illegal so that the troops would consist of single men that were not obligated to families. For his crimes St. Valentine was jailed, beaten with clubs, and beheaded on the 14th of February. While jailed, it is said that Valentine befriended Claudius' daughter and left her a note prior to his beheading that read "From Your Valentine." This being the note that has perpetuated the giving of cards or Valentines. Until the 3rd-century February 14th had been celebrated by the pagan Feast of Lupercalia, which is a festival for celebrating love. However at that point the Pope at the time declared the 14th of February the day in which to celebrate Valentine's efforts to aid young lovers while combining the love festival. You mean the Christians adopted a date and celebratory idea from the pagans and turned it into their own holiday in an effort to comfortably convert the heathens? Yep, surprise surprise.**While it is not clear whether or not St. Valentine was one man or two ,it is clear that the holiday that is supposed to recognize the martyrdom of a man that fought against oppression or a pagan celebration of love is sorely misrepresented by our possession thirsty Capitalist mentality. It is not about a fat, winged baby*** shooting lovers with arrows and going to the place where you can kiss and get diamonds while packing on 10 pounds with that giant box of caramels. Like we needed another holiday that perpetuated gift giving and over eating. Get a grip.

Now that we have gotten that out of the way let's talk about the copious amount of money that will be spent for Valentine's Day. It is projected that there will be $18.5 billion spent on Valentine's Day this year. That is $18.5 BILLION!! Just take a minute to think about all of the need that amount of money could have an effect on. And what are people spending this amount of money on? Candy, cards, food, stuffed animals, flowers, animals (oh yeah, because puppies and kittens are hot ticket items), and of course diamonds or jewelry. This projection of dollars spent doesn't include alcohol, contraception, or the vats of lube that will be gone through this weekend. Because nothing says thanks for the jewelry and chocolate like a Pearl Necklace, right fellas?

Lets breakdown the absurdity of these gift items (not the Pearl Necklace all the shit I mentioned before that). Candy. While I do love candy, I will never understand why the exact same peanut butter cup is supposed to be better and more heartfelt because the wrapper is red and the candy heart shaped. Think about it. Cards. Unless they are full of money or from your grandmother why do you really need them. Think about all of the trees that have been chopped down to print all of that "Roses are Whatever, Violets are Better" shit. And all for the greater good of an industry that is already raking it in daily. Literally sickness, health, weddings, anniversaries, birthdays all that shit happens daily, folks. These card companies have one hell of a racket.  Food. We eat all the time. If you think that taking your significant other to dinner once a year is romantic, think again. Making dinner for your exhausted wife (or husband) after dealing with screaming children all day, and then doing the dishes afterward without being asked...that shit is sexy. And you didn't have to make reservations or pay $75 for a steak the size of a sticky note to get laid. Stuffed animals. Is your Valentine under the age of 12? No? Need I say more? Flowers. Ornamental plant vaginas. They smell good, look good, and die. There is $100 you will literally see no return on. Animals. ANIMALS!!! Animals are not gifts. They are living creatures. They should not be exploited as viable gift giving options. ****If an animal is adopted it should be because you are looking to give love to something, not prove your love to someone. Diamonds. Aren't there countries whose people are being oppressed and methodically murdered for the diamond trade? Aren't there people dieing daily of black lung and the like from working in mines? Aren't these same people getting screwed out of prescription and medical coverage by companies that are making money hand over fist in the trade of precious metal? Jewelry. See Diamonds.
My point is this: if you love someone and want to show them do it ANY day of the year. Don't wait to jump on the band wagon of doing it one day a year. I assure you, you have the same chance of getting lucky on any day of the year where you show interest and give presents to your partner. Anyone would rather be surprised to get something that you thought about getting them on a random Tuesday. Don't be a lemming, be an individual. You are not boosting the economy by buying into the holiday, you are padding the already bulging pockets of big business. Sometimes less is more. Sometimes holidays are propaganda to part you with your money. Know the difference.


*Now keep in mind that I am not a bible thumping, hard-core Catholic or Christian by any stretch of the imagination. I don't care what you believe; you don't care what I believe. That isn't why we are here. You pray to your god, and I will do the shit I do. This commentary isn't about religion as much as it is about propaganda. That isn't just a word that applies to the lies that the government tries to feed you. Big business has their own special blend of propaganda.

**Take a look at Christmas and the Yule celebration or May Day  celebrations if you don't think that this is a possibility. 

***Cupid: Son of Mercury and Venus, a grown man with wings (not a baby), Roman god of love. Roman god, oppressive Roman emperor....you see how this got tied in right?

 ****This thought process could go on for awhile talking about the death rate of Easter chicks, but I think that you get the picture.

References: (Because I don't want you to think I made this up or used Wikipedia)
Catholic Online:St. Valetine
CBN.com: St. Valentine, The Real Story
History.com: 6 Surprising Facts About St. Valentine By. Elizabeth Hanes
History.com: St. Valentine Beheaded
Encyclopedia Britannica: Cupid