I have no idea what has been going on with me lately, but it would seem that I have gotten myself into a bit of a situation. I have been lucky my entire life (knock on wood) to never have had bad acne or problems with pimples of which to speak. Having said that, in the last week I have managed to grow the largest, ugliest zit of my life, and it doesn't seem to be disippating anytime soon. I was under the assumption that most of a person's pockmarked problems came during puberty. Apparently, I was wrong. We have all had the occasional stress, sweat, PMS, or special-occasion-to-go-to-so-let's-grow-a-crater-on-my-face zit. You just deal with it. But this one, oh this one has panache.Truthfully, this would not be an issue if it were not directly in middle of my face, planted strategically on the bridge of my nose so that it is clearly visible to everyone within a hundred yards of me. Also, I can see the edge of it in my line of vision without having to cross my eyes, so I am under constant reminder that my face is being invaded. I can't even comfortably wear my sun or reading glasses without angering the beast (which means that it swells and gets redder, yay!). This morning as I stood in front of the mirror pleading with it to go away, I am damn sure that I heard it laugh and saw it
SuperZit doesn't seem to have an arch nemesis (in fact I think it is safe to say that it is mine) or an Achilles's heal; as nothing seems to deter its growth. Everything that I have tried to do to this thing seems to be totally ineffective. I have poked, pinched, proded, begged, pleaded, dabbed toothpaste, crushed an aspirin to put on it, tried sworn-to-work potions, and tried to cover it with makeup.*As if this were not enough I realized a couple of days ago that my eyebrows were beginning to snuggle in the middle of my forehead again. This is nothing new. I am of Hungarian and Scottish decent, I was born to grow inappropriate facial hair and cook potatoes. But as I got to looking at the eyebrow situation I realized that apparently my left eyebrow has progressively gotten shorter in the process of separating the two lovebirds in the last few months. So to accompany SuperZit on the right side of my face, I now have its sidekick The Over Plucked Eyebrow regrowing on the other. I couldn't feel more put together right now if I tried.
Just to give you a real idea of the situation, I cannot put makeup on SuperZit because it makes it look as though it is painted up for Mardi Gras, and I have to draw in just part--not all of--my left eyebrow so that it matches the other while I let the wily little hairs grow back in. All the while I have to wonder if SuperZit has come to a head yet looking like an Egyptian plague, and I have to wonder if I have yet made an unrealized wipe of the eyebrow smearing pencil across my forehead and/or eyelid. Good times. I look like a bi-polar beauty school drop-out who doesn't have the attention span to put together her whole face. This is not my shinning cosmetological moment, let me tell you. Why don't you just go without the eyebrow pencil, you ask? Because the way that the hair is currently growing in it looks like I have some kind of rare eyebrow mange, and the short little hairs that are growing back in look as though they are waving to everyone. And let's just say if they are waving to people they might as well be holding up a neon sign that directs everyone's attention right to SuperZit. I really thought that this awkward stage was long gone. What I didn't know was upon finding a tiny village of chin hair that I didn't have on the last day of my 29th year but found and evacuated on my 30th birthday I would again be dealing with teenage pimple-style problems again. So for now I will just take the hits as they come. Keep on keeping on. And try to find the kryptonite to the god-forsaken SuperZit on my face so that I can put on my oversized sunglasses to hide the disaster that is The Over Plucked Eyebrow.*Which I might add is like putting lipstick on a pig: neither practical or effective.
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