Kids.

I have to say first and foremost that I am not a mom. I am not a "Mommy Blogger". I have however been blessed with some amazing pseudo-nieces and pseudo-nephews that make me often shake my head. They also make me very grateful that I can pack my crap and run for the hills when shit gets deep and the tantrums and craziness starts. I have never been one of those people that has wanted a big giant family, but I have changed diapers, sang songs, potty trained, made meals/snacks, gave baths, changed clothes, doled out meds, had sleepless nights, hunted for pacifiers at 3 a.m., and kissed boo-boos. I think that it is amazing that the moms and dads around the globe have the patience and fortitude to bring up the future generations. IT amazes me. My hat is off to you; you are rock stars, super hero's, and totally insane!!
I do a little moonlighting as a pseudo-aunt and daycare assistant, and I have to say that kids really keep you on your toes (and push you to the limits of reason and patience). You just never know what they might say or do. And they're quick. Even the best of children leaves the adults in their world thinking, "What the hell just happened here?!" A millisecond is enough time for a child to eat a dozen cupcakes, poor an entire container of Kool-aid in the baby's diaper, and set the house on fire. Just what do you think happens when you walk up to this helmet wielding, arm floaty sporting, princess dress wearing monster about the events while you pull the pin on the fire extinguisher? The stare at you blankly as though you are the one that has lost their mind, "What?" They simply can't fathom why you would be angry that they are covered in peanut butter and sitting in a pile of baking soda on the bathroom floor.
I have never said so many non-intelligible word parts when I haven't been half in the bag: "Wha....ho....Did you...Why....Is there...What the....GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!!!" I know that I am capable of forming a whole sentence. I am rather wordy as a matter of fact. You don't pull a 3.8 (my best GPA to date) by being a blundering idiot. Do you? Kids are able to, in the blink of an eye, make you feel as though you are losing your faculties. They put grown-ups in some interesting
situations.
Babies aren't all that interesting. Let's face it a baby is about as much fun and entertainment as a potato with legs, but a toddler...now there is a whole other animal. Not that you could convince a new parent that there wrinkled, sour faced bundle of joy is a bit of a yawn (especially when the introduction takes place on the same night that the new season of Game of Thrones starts). Toddlers, on the other hand, are interesting. They are like monkeys with a fishing pole. You never know what they are going to do. One minute they
want to do one thing, then another, then they're singing a song about toe nails... how does a brain work like that? They question everything. Which is sometimes beautiful to see unfold. Other times it leaves you scratching your head and saying things like, "Yes, I have a belly button. No, you can't smell it..."  What is the rational reasoning behind something like that? Sometimes I think that there is some secret way that they communicate and share ideas to torment the adults in their lives that are so strung out and sleep deprived that they probably wouldn't notice a closet full of carrier pigeons that can tap dance out other children's messages in Morse Code.

I just don't know how parents do it. The arguing over bath time and bed time and dinner time and timeouts... come to think of it maybe the real gap for kids and grown-ups is simply time: how they want to spend it and how rational adult brains want them to utilize it. We have much more stock in it than they do. Let's face it if you have no concept of time there is no need to worry about what you are doing with it. I always try to keep in mind that it is hard to be little. They can cry at the drop of a hat, laugh over nothing, find the smallest thing in the yard interesting, climb fearlessly, and effortlessly leave their caregivers in shock and awe. It is like being a geriatric, menopausal, female pot-head in a retirement home (only kids are too short to reach stuff on the top shelf and too new to the world to know what is going to happen next). Simply put: Bill Cosby was right they say the darnedest things, and my mom was right too. They run you ragged, but you love them no matter what. Thank the stars that I can leave all of the crumb-munchers at there houses-- even if I do love them.